Children: Fun Friends or Alien Species?

Love (Dartmoor pony) inspects my granddaughter

Horses and children can be a heartwarming combination, but success has a lot to do with how they are introduced to each other. My article Children Learn Empathy from Us focuses on how to teach children to relate to horses with the respect and empathy that invites cooperation. This article focuses on how to help horses view children as nifty little creatures to be taken care of. Each step is based on how horses think, learn, and relate to others.
First Impressions are Lasting Impressions
A horse’s first impression of anything is critical because their ancestors’ survival depended on avoiding dangerous things, and nature doesn’t give second chances. Every “first” makes a life-long impression, such as first saddling, ride, trailer ride, or encounter with children. With Bronzz it was simple. He was wide-eyed in amazement the first time he saw a small child, but a secure up-bringing pre-disposed him to assume that all would be well. The girl petted and admired him, brushed him gently, and plied him with carrots. He was charmed. A second positive kid-experience reinforced the first. Later when he encountered some badly behaved children who scared other horses, he already knew that not all children acted like that. Brandy was a different story. She had been with me barely a month when my little grandchildren began arriving for summer visits, and she was still very fearful. Her first sight of a toddler had her dodging to the back of her stall as if she’d just spotted an alien species. We let her learn by watching.
Learn by Watching
Small children like to hold up “hay bouquets” for the horses, who reach over their stall doors and grab the tops; tiny fingers stay far from big mouths. Brandy watched as the other horses eagerly enjoyed this routine. She began reaching tentatively over her own door for her share. Soon she responded to the arrival of children in the barn with a relaxed body and happy ears. Brandy observed the children as they helped me with chores, and played in the barn. Buggy summer days in the barn gave Brandy lots of time to decide kids were harmlessly amusing.
Learn by Investigating
Next, we let her inspect kids. They stood giggling as she nuzzled their hair and sniffed their bodies. I stood ready to body block, but it wasn’t necessary. Brandy was gentle, and children followed instructions to stand still.
One Step at a Time
Notice that we did everything in tiny steps. One exceptional trainer I know calls this “putting on layers.” The following year, children began grooming Brandy and helping me lead her. We played a wild but safe game where Brandy, in a round pen, nosed a large ball till it hit a panel. Kids ran around the outside of the pen to the ball, reached through and shoved it so Brandy could chase it again. I was in the round pen with Brandy, rewarding her with treats for chasing the ball. Another layer of success. Time elapsed between visits was a bonus because horses process information over time, just as people do.
Always Allow for Escape
Each step of the way, Brandy was free to escape to the back of her stall, the end of a loose lead, or the far side of a round pen. This is critical. Picture how horses approach suspicious new things, weight back, ready for a speedy retreat. When they feel trapped by small spaces or tight leads, their anxiety level can shoot way up. An escape option speeds learning because horses aren’t distracted by anxiety, and it keeps everyone safer because a horse who feels trapped may resort to dangerously defensive behavior.
The Power to Say No
The fastest way to get a nervous child on a horse is to give her the power to say no. “You tell me when you’re ready,” I say. They usually decide they are ready right now. An escape option is the equivalent of giving a horse permission to say, “I’m not ready for that.” Sometimes horses never get comfortable with something, and we need to respect that. Although Bronzz likes children, he is uneasy with wobbly little bodies on his back, so we keep leadline rides to a minimum.
Secure Leadership
When Brandy first started doing agility with kids, I held her lead, modeling body language cues as the child tagged along holding the tail of the lead. Next, the child led Brandy while I tagged along. When Brandy wasn’t sure what to do, she’d look at me, and I’d signal her to follow the child. This saved her from the anxiety of not knowing what to do, and taught her a simple rule of thumb: “When in doubt, follow the kid.” When she was on her own with kids, Brandy was not only careful, she helped them out, matching her speed to theirs and anticipating their cues. Leadline rides had taught Bronzz the rule for being ridden by a child: “When in doubt, go slow.” So when my younger grandson mounted up this summer, Bronzz followed all of Colin’s directions in slow motion. Now that Colin is 11 years old, well-balanced, and cheerfully confident, Bronzz is comfortable with him on his back. Together the boys had a grand time playing with agility obstacles. In a well-socialized herd (as opposed to a random group assembled by humans), adult horses relate to young horses differently than to other adults. They protect and teach them, and tolerate playful behaviors. With good introductions, many horses seem to relate to young humans in the same way. Perhaps this explains the special relationships we often see between children and horses.

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