Children Learn Empathy From Us
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Colin (age 11) practices for his first equagility course with Bronzz
My three year old grand-daughter Delia is in time-out, ordered by her parents to sit on the stairs until she agrees to clear her breakfast plate. Determined not to back down, she’s working herself up to a full-blown tantrum, but I have a powerful weapon that has stopped more than one tantrum in its tracks. Horse Time. “Delia,” I say calmly, “The horses are finished their breakfast and ready to go back out to pasture. Are you going to help me?” “I have to clear my place first,” she says as she dashes to the table, swiftly doing the job she just spent 10 minutes refusing to do. Notice I did not tell Delia that the horses would go out “as soon as she cleared her place”. That would suggest that it was OK for the horses to wait till it suited her, making the horses pawns in her power struggle. Giving children the power to have a negative influence over animals sends a message that it’s OK to behave badly toward those we have power over. Instead, I clarified that I was going to turn the horses out, with or without her help. It is sometimes said that animals teach children responsibility. Not so. We the adults teach children responsibility with good examples, good coaching, and firm limits. Delia’s parents had set the stage for me to successfully interrupt her tantrum. They cared responsibly for the family’s two cats and two dogs. They taught Delia to handle their pets gently, being considerate of their feelings. And they had non-negotiable rules, like not teasing animals or bothering them when they are eating or sleeping. This not only keeps kids safer around animals, it encourages empathy and respect for the rights of others. Every time a child is near one of our animals, whether that child is family or guest, we have the opportunity to influence attitudes and behavior. Horses give us special powers of influence. Horse time is so attractive that children rarely let bad behavior jeopardize it. Horses themselves give us instant credibility because we are comfortable with these big scary animals who actually listen to us. Rules are not questioned because they involve safety and consideration for the horses. Rules even apply to grownups (“no running” or “always wear a helmet when you ride”) and to horses (“no pulling on the leadline” or “no trotting in the barn”). Horse chores involve tangible skills that children take pride in mastering. Messes are no big deal, and there is something for every age. Everyone likes doing feed, from the time they need help stirring until they are old enough to measure and serve on their own. Toddlers delight in scooping up manure muffins with little pitchforks, and seeing that some of them actually land in the wheelbarrow. Cleaning water buckets and refilling water tanks are messy fun summer jobs. The summer my grandson Colin was 6, he figured out how to scoop wet bedding onto the shovel without flinging it all over. He was so proud that I had to leave all the wet spots for him to clean up. When the novelty wore off, he switched to shaking out hay instead. That’s OK. Turning chores into drudgery can lead to children resenting the animals. Letting younger children do the jobs they’re interested in gives them a chance to learn a skill while they’re excited about it. Learning to care for horses teaches children that fun and responsibility are a package deal. It also shows them they have the power to do good things for others, and it’s appreciated. When the horses are enjoying a meal, rolling in a clean stall, or sipping fresh water, I point out the pleasure the child has helped provide. Now when children handle and ride horses, they are more likely to see them as individuals they can relate to, and less likely to view them as toys available for their own amusement. When children treat them respectfully, horses are more inclined to look out for them, even making special efforts to help them. We also have a big influence over how horses feel about children, the subject of Children: Fun Friends or Alien Species?
Brandy trots through the bottle field in step with her young handler
Delia, now six years old, led Brandy through agility courses this summer. Brandy not only did everything Delia asked, she anticipated requests, and made sure she was ready. Delia’s 7 year old cousin Camille wanted to trot Brandy through a course. The pony who insists she cannot trot slowly for me had no trouble trotting slowly enough for a child. Camille’s older brother Colin, now 11, wanted to ride Bronzz through obstacles. Bareback. The sum total of Colin’s prior riding experience was being leadlined as a pre-schooler. I legged him up and led him around. His balance was excellent; Bronzz was calmly tuned in and relaxed. I clipped reins to Bronzz’s halter, and gave Colin a crash course in cues for walk, halt, and steer. Off they went, calmly sorting out miscommunications because each trusted the other’s good will. Bronzz moved slowly and carefully until Colin was sure of his balance and asked him to speed up. When Bronzz surprised Colin with a move he didn’t realize he’d ask for, Colin laughed. Colin discovered reverse gear, and Bronzz backed up better than he does for me. With me Bronzz dodges hula hoops claiming they look like dangerous holes. For Colin, he planted his feet in the hoop every time. Four days after Colin first mounted up, he guided Bronzz through the current Equagility course for the International Horse Agility Club. We entered their video (https://youtu.be/cNHgYMyErPs) in the on-line competition; they scored 97 out of 100. These happy partnerships were possible because the children treated the horses respectfully, and because the horses were comfortable with children.
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